Discussion 5 Replies

After reflecting in my professional life, I have recognized an area to which I can improve on people is how I see everyone as my friend. For me personally, it is easier to talk to people once you have established a professional relationship then to a friendship. This perspective has helped me find great success in managing and working with others as I am connecting beyond work in terms of asking great questions, sharing stories, and understanding how my mentee’s think and feel. (Woolworth, 2021) Johnson & Smith (2021) call this sort of behavior as a perceptual affirmation as the mentors and mentees both reveal their authentic real selves and their ideal selves and imagined career destinations. And based on this choice, I have seen great results as I am able to work easier with fellow employees and manage people better as I have a better sense of who they are and what they like and do not like to do.

Even though this perspective has great benefits and yields stronger commitment and relationships, there are certain weaknesses and potential problems in the future. In holding regards to everyone as a friend in work, there are moments where relationships must be put aside, and business formalities must follow. I can speak from experience when I have asked people to perform a task and because we are friends, I can get looked off or forgotten, as the matter may not be as important to them as me. In addition, there are moments where I feel hesitant to address certain issues with a person in fear of messing up our relationship. But after reading this week’s resources, I have told myself to figure out a balance between friendship and professionalism. And I believe moving forward I can still maintain a friendship, but I must determine when to be professional for the sake of the company, business, or goal at hand.

References

Johnson, W. B. & Smith, D. G. (2021, September 17). The best mentors think like Michelangelo. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved August 2, 2022, from https://hbr.org/2018/01/the-best-mentors-think-like-michelangelo

Woolworth, R. (2021, September 17). Great mentors focus on the whole person, not just their career. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved August 2, 2022, from Great Mentors Focus on the Whole Person, Not Just Their Career

Julie Wancik

RE: Discussion – Week 5

COLLAPSE

My Behavior:

I have always been a perfectionist. In medical school, I learned of a personality type that I fit more than I would like to admit, which is obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). Not uncommon to see in high achieving medical students yet not what the average public understands. OCPD is different from the classically known obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). We can help people with OCD through medication and psychotherapy (Osmosis, 2016). Yet the OCPD personality type I lean toward cannot be changed for it is ego-syntonic, an ego-reaffirming behavioral pattern rooted in the deep need to be perfect (Brooten-Brooks, 2021).

Relating to and managing others:

So, how does this affect my professional life? Thankfully not as much as when I was in my early 20s. I have learned over the last 20 years to attenuate my tendencies in certain situations, fostering patience and using logic to modulate my need for order and to exceed high expectations. Yet when push comes to shove my need for perfection and high expectations sadly rears its ugly head! Particularly when there is a time crush such as a big fundraising deadline, or when I train new peers or employees, I must be mindful at every moment to not push my way of doing things, otherwise known as micromanaging (Grote, 2011). I have often had a hard time with negative feedback, often feeling initially attacked and I figuratively bite my tongue as I logic how to counter the criticism (Bregman, 2019). This defensive instinct in response to criticism played into my thesis advisor issues that I shared with the class last week.

Behaviors to improve as a leader (and in life):

All my coaching and leadership handicaps (and handicaps in life) almost always come from my high expectations and perfectionistic tendencies. I saw Connor’s classic ‘knowledge gaps’ in a young assistant I trained; I needed to help her ‘build resilience’ after the first critical instruction she got from a surgeon, and I frequently tried to break her ‘mental rut’ as she beat herself up with negative self-talk (Connor, 2019). My instinct when she made mistakes, which often caused me to stay longer to undo them, made me revert to a poor coaching style of micromanaging (Grote, 2011). I was critical and gave negative feedback that in turn caused her confidence to be diminished. Also having a very compassionate nature on top of my OCPD personality tendencies, I’d instinctively start a cycle of mentoring and nurturing rather than working that further perpetuating my long days! What I should have done was take time out of what I was doing, no matter if I got behind, to give a positive, motivating feedforward view of each task that would have been more beneficial than negative, critical feedback (Chappelow and McCauley, 2019; Goldsmith, 2002). Also, asking my assistant how she would do things instead of telling her how to do things would have been a better way to coach her (Nawaz, 2019). My assistant had high aspirations to fill my shoes when I was bound to leave, yet we did not craft a plan together in her likeness and way of living, instead, my OCPD ego-gratifying way of molding her into me failed her when she had to impress the chief in an interview for my job (Johnson and Smith, 2018). I realize now that we did not ‘start with the end in mind’ as Woolworth puts it (Woolworth, 2019).

Having a perfectionist ego-driven tendency to coach/lead with the reaction of micromanaging and giving negative feedback when my expectations are not met is what I strive to remain ever conscious of and shape into better behavior patterns as I work and live. Learning these techniques to give feedforward, continue building relationships and mentorships, and being mindful to use emotional intelligence to see and respect each person in front of me are tasks I try to master, in my perfectionist way, each day.

Thank you for reading. I look forward to your comments

Warmly,

Julie

References:

Bregman, P. (2019, February 14). 13 ways we justify, rationalize, or ignore negative feedback. Harvard Business Review Digital Articles, 205. http://hbr.org

Brooten-Brooks, M. C. (2021, September 3). OCD vs. OCPD: What are the differences? Verywell Health. Retrieved August 2, 2022, from https://www.verywellhealth.com/ocd-vs-ocpd-5197998

Chappelow, C., & McCauley, C. (2019, May 13). What good feedback really looks like. Harvard Business Review Digital Articles, 2-4. http://hbr.org

Connor, J. (2019, September 9). To coach junior employees, start with 4 conversations. Harvard Business Review Digital Articles, 2-6. http://hbr.org

Grote, D. (2011). Providing day-to-day coaching. In How to be good at performance appraisals: Simple, effective, done right (pp. 71-88). Harvard Business Review Press.

Goldsmith, M. (2002). Try feedforward instead of feedback. Leader to Leader, 2002(25), 11-14.

Johnson, W.B., & Smith, D. G. (2018, January 23). The best mentors think like Michelangelo. Harvard Business Review Digital Articles, 2-6. http://hbr.org

Nawaz, S. (2019, February 27). How to talk to an employee who isn’t meeting their goals. Harvard Business Review Digital Articles, 2-4. http://hbr.org

Osmosis. (2016, March 7). Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) – causes, Symptoms & Pathology. YouTube. Retrieved August 2, 2022, from https://youtu.be/I8Jofzx_8p4

Woolworth, R. (2019, August 9). Great mentors focus on the whole person, not just their career. Harvard Business Review Digital Articles, 2-6. http://hbr.org

Melisa Marcon

RE: Discussion – Week 5

COLLAPSE

When reflecting about how I relate to others, I concluded that I am usually professional, kind and calm because “how you serve as a role model is as important as your face-to-face meetings” (Wollworth, 2019). I am aware that my body language is fully connected with the way I am feeling in a particular moment and, in the past, people around me were able to notice when I disagreed with something just because of my body language. Because of this, I have worked a lot on maintaining a clear mind as well as on connecting with people and observing how they act when performing their tasks or interacting with others. In that way, I learn from and about them.

One behavior in my professional life that significantly impacts how I relate to others—and that I would like to change—is what Rick Wollworth refers to as “share your stories”. He talks about the importance of letting others share their stories as well as sharing ours. I sometimes find myself in situations in which I share my stories as a way for others to get to know me better, but I don’t ask about theirs. Sometimes members of my team share their own stories and I listen to them. However, I don’t usually show interest and ask. I don’t believe it is because of lack of interest, but it is more related to not being sure what the right question is and how not to cross boundaries when asking.

References

Woolworth, R. (2019, August 9). Great mentors focus on the whole person, not just their career. Harvard Business Review Digital Articles, 2–6. http://hbr.org